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The Mysterious Warnellian Exposed – Tyler Lipham

This species of UGA student is not known by many. They are a rare breed. While surveying the premises of south campus, and south campus only (The habitat suitability index of North campus is exponentially low for this species), one may be lucky enough to spot a Warnellian. They are often seen ravaging through The Creamery or The Georgia Center for food, water, and caffeine. After a successful hunt, the Warnellians can be found hoarding their goods back to their den, aka “The Lounge”. Not much is known about “The Lounge”, but some studies point to evidence of fun-having, chronic procrastination, incessant laughter, or even sleeping overnight before an 8am exam. The same can be said for another core area known as “The L-shaped Computer Lab”; but even less can be certain about this area as it is only accessible by key card, except for those few Warnellians who refuse to pay a refundable deposit on a keycard and timidly knock on the door until they are granted entry. Rumors carry word that this computer lab may even produce a very scarce but infinitely beneficial resource on the UGA campus known as free printing. Those who have made such claims, however, have been written off as delusional due to the scientific law of “too good to be true”, but eye witnesses will assure you that free printing does in fact exist.  

The Warnellian is also known to be found lying down in the grass outside of their den with books in hand or simply just staring into the sky. Some specimens tend to be more arboreal and can be found scaling a tree to safely consume their lunch. Warnellians appear to have somewhat of an obsession with trees. Groups of Warnellians can be found walking all over campus (the only time where a Warnellian will be found on north campus) intently staring at trees and giving them bizarre names derived from a dead language. It is quite the spectacle as some Warnellians have even been seen taking leaves from the trees and placing them in their mouths to determine the names of the trees. They will go to great measures to get a sufficient grade on their quiz as their future within the Warnell clan depends on it.

When identifying a Warnellian there are a few characteristics that can be a dead giveaway of their male species: macho beards, chacos or boots, pocket knives that may or may not exceed campus regulations, an outdoor scent of pine and pollen with a hint of sweat and sap, callused hands, and plaid. One can also know that they have correctly identified a Warnellian if the individual is randomly making odd noises with his or her mouth which resemble that of a Narrowmouth Toad, Wild Turkey, Mourning Dove, Mallard Duck, Wild Hog, etc. They are also the only UGA student known to have vicious debates with themselves, or other Warnellians, over the species identification of a tree, grass, vertebrate, or soil horizon.

The Warnellians of UGA really are a species of their own. While their numbers are small, their FAMILY is larger than any school on campus. Their bonds are strong and they value their comradery. The Warnell family prepares its members for their own future endeavors while ushering in a new generation with welcoming arms every semester. From their camouflage hats down to their mud stained shoes, this breed of UGA student is like no other student that you will ever meet, and more like the friend that you always wish you had. Those who decide to join what has been called the Warnell family (or pack, pod, herd, murder, flock, colony, drove, band, swarm, kettle, cackle, gaggle, pride, school, dule, etc.) have never looked back.

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One comment on “The Mysterious Warnellian Exposed – Tyler Lipham

  1. Hey! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog. Is it difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Appreciate it

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